TINDER HORROR STORIES (#1)
Ghosting My Creepy Tinder Match
Gender Equality: Girls Can Be Creeps Too
Several years ago, after a difficult break up, I decided to try Tinder for the first time. Many of my friends were using it, and had found it helpful in meeting, and getting to know new people. So, being lonely, single, and ready to rebound I figured why not?
And so, my journey began. I took to scouring my camera roll for my best selfies—spending hours, upon hours tweaking, and perfecting my bio—until I finally felt that my Tinder profile was a good blend of eye-catching, humorous, and personable.
Once my profile was live I instantly started swiping on my prospective matches. And, as luck would have it, it didn’t take me long to stumble across my first match. Let’s call her Jamie, for privacy’s sake.
Jamie’s profile was exactly what I was hoping to find on a dating app. Based solely on her pictures, and bio, she seemed hilarious, had great taste in music, and movies—and, was also incredibly cute.
When I saw that we matched I was over the moon, and found myself excited to get to know the woman behind the profile.
It didn’t take long for her to message me, and I was beyond thrilled. Our conversation started off with banter, jokes, and lots of innocent flirting. So, when she asked me if we could move our correspondence to Snapchat, I didn’t hesitate to give her my username.
Within minutes she had already snapped me. I had butterflies in my stomach, and really felt like Jamie could be someone I would be interested in dating—maybe even someone I could build a relationship with down the road. Well, I thought so, until I opened her first Snapchat message.
It was a nude.
Which, of course, isn’t the worst thing in the world when it’s mutually agreed upon. But, for someone like me, an unsolicited nude is the last thing I want to see when chatting with potential dates. Now, call me old-fashion, but I kind of have this weird thing where I prefer to see someone’s true colours before I see their boobs. But, I digress.
Although I was put off by this surprising turn of events, for whatever reason I decided to brush it aside. Maybe it was because I was unsure of Tinder protocol. Maybe it was because despite this tiny slip—of the nip variety—Jamie, and I seemed to really get along. Or maybe it was because I was freshly single, lonely, and desperate for attention. Whatever the reason, I continued talking to her.
Big mistake. See, this small hitch wasn’t just a minor bump in the road to true love between Jamie, and I. No. This was a glaringly obvious red flag, and the first of many.
Over the next several days, Jamie and I began taking more, and more frequently. It started as snapchatting back and forth, then texting, and then calling. It was during these phone conversations where things started getting really weird, and really uncomfortable, and not in the sexy way.
One night while we were on the phone, in the middle of a completely normal conversation, Jamie began—out of nowhere—telling me in graphic detail what she wanted to do to me sexually. Again, similar to the nude, random, unsolicited phone sex is not for me. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I would like to be asked if I’m interested before someone begins explaining how they want to fold me up like a pretzel, and take me to pound-town.
Being the shy, and soft-spoken person I was, I silently pretended to go along with it until I could convince her I had fallen asleep, and she ended the call.
Now, at this point, I’m sure you’re all thinking: okay, so after she hung up you totally blocked, and deleted her on everything, right?
And, the answer to that is a resounding nope!
Completely ignoring how uncomfortable Jamie was making me, I still continued to talk to her daily. That is, until the third, fourth, and fifth red flags were revealed, and bitch-slapped me in the face simultaneously.
During our last day of correspondence, Jamie was being pushier, and more aggressive than usual. She wanted to come and visit me for the night. I absolutely did not want this to happen, so I continued to make up excuses: I have plans. I’m not feeling great. I have to work early tomorrow.
I kept spewing out lies, and excuses like a broken McDonald’s ice cream machine shoots out unfrozen cream.
Instead of giving up, and realizing I just wasn’t interested, or available in meeting up, Jamie continued putting pressure on me without pause. Third red flag.
At this point I was getting exasperated, and was really starting to consider ignoring her, but that thought was interrupted by two texts—back to back—from Jamie. The first one being appalling, and the second one being absolutely frightening.
Text #1: If this is going to happen it needs to happen now. My wife is coming home from deployment soon.
Excuse me, wife? How, after days of talking — sometimes for hours at a time — was this the first time I was learning that Jamie was married? Fourth red flag.
Text #2: Look, if you wanna play around with me I can just check your snap location, and come visit anyway 😋
FIFTH RED FLAG!!!
That was it, those two text messages were the last straw. I could brush aside unsolicited nudes. I could even try to push past non-consensual phone sex. But, being married, and essentially threatening to stalk me was more than I was willing to ignore.
Luckily, my location was hidden on Snapchat, and thankfully I had never told her where I lived. So, as quickly as I could, I blocked, and deleted Jamie on every social media app I had regretfully added her on.
Afterwards, I sent Jamie one final text telling her that I was still hung up on my ex—I wasn’t—and, that we were thinking about getting back together—we weren’t.
She responded sullenly, and told me not to ghost her, and that she wanted to remain friends.
So, of course—being the kind-hearted person I am—after reading her final message I really took some time to consider her feelings. After a generous 2.5 seconds of contemplation I blocked her phone number, deleted her contact information from my phone, and promptly began ghosting her.
Sadly, Jamie, and I never had the fairytale romance I hoped for. But, I did learn to follow my instincts, and to never overlook red flags.
If you’re currently online dating, please be safe. Please follow your gut reactions, and don’t be swayed by a pretty face, or the excitement of a new connection. Acknowledge the red flags you find because the odds are you’ll discover even more along the way.
Xandra Winters © 2021
After this experience I’m sure you’re all thinking that I ended up deleting Tinder, and never using it again. If so, then you’d be right.
That’s a lie.
I absolutely did not stop living my swipe right life. Instead, I jumped into it full force, and inevitably experienced even more real life Tinder horror stories.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, besties. Buckle up, because this series is going to be a crazy, wild, and embarrassing ride.
